i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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