Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
