My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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