I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
