if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
