fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize