Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize