I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
