Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
