Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
