Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
