I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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