In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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