I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
