I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
