New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
