Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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