Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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