i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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