So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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