i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize