ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
