he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
