I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
