Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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