brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize