i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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