Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
