He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
