there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
