Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
