I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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