First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
