My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
