if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
