I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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