Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
