I hate your face
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
