I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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