Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
