i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he puts the penis in happiness.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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