I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
