I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
