i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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