You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
