Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
