So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
