Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize