I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
