absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
