When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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