its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
