my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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