oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
