I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
