omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They took my balls.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
