the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
