Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this just has baby written all over it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize