Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
