It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
