So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
