I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
