College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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