This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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