Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize