so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hippo gnu deer
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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