They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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