Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
