I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
