i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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