Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
