I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
