Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
